Death and Dying
"Death is the only event which we can predict with absolute certainty, and yet it is the event about which the majority of human beings refuse to think at all until faced with the imminent and personal issue."
~ from From Bethlehem to Calvary by Alice A. Bailey
"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?...
...For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?"
~ from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
~ from From Bethlehem to Calvary by Alice A. Bailey
"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?...
...For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?"
~ from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Initiations with Death
My initiation into death came first with the death of my father. At age 16 I looked on as his lifeless shell of a body lie there on the funeral home cot. Left alone in the room with what was once my dad, I felt no connection to the process. I was "made" to sit in the room for a short while, alone with the body. Then he was whisked away, never to be seen again, except in my dreams and memories.
In a small valley in Brazil, my home at the time, my friend's baby died. Three months old. I ran to her side, leaving my own young one at home. The baby was set on a bed in the middle of a room in her house. The mother was alternating between wailing, sobbing, and exhausted silence. The people came, gazed upon the disembodied angel, and moved on, expressing sorrow, disbelief, anger, compassion, or whatever arose in the moment. The public grieving went on for 3 days, the mother's breasts, aching and full of milk for the
hungerless child. The community was bonded in her support.
Jeremy, my beloved son, died at home, age 7. What followed is a story I have shared pieces of at different moments. What is important is that it was "a good death". The beauty and grace of crossing the threshold between the worlds came upon us and it changed me forever. We kept Jeremy at home for several days, holding a home vigil, caring for him, and slowly saying good-bye. This time was essential for my grieving process and for the reality of what was occurring to really sink in. I will never forget these days.
Years later I found out there is a movement towards home and family-directed funerals and that in most states it is legal for an immediate family member to act as a funeral director for their loved one. Just as one might prefer a home birth and have the right to chose this, so should we, if we choose, have the right to honor the end of one's life in this sacred, intimate way.
It is my desire to offer my stories, my experience, my knowledge and my presence to others who may be faced with the questions and decisions that death brings. I wish to educate and inform people of their choices...that there are choices. I explore the question:
How does our relationship with death inform our relationship with life?
And how can we transform them both to be more integrated? More whole?
In a small valley in Brazil, my home at the time, my friend's baby died. Three months old. I ran to her side, leaving my own young one at home. The baby was set on a bed in the middle of a room in her house. The mother was alternating between wailing, sobbing, and exhausted silence. The people came, gazed upon the disembodied angel, and moved on, expressing sorrow, disbelief, anger, compassion, or whatever arose in the moment. The public grieving went on for 3 days, the mother's breasts, aching and full of milk for the
hungerless child. The community was bonded in her support.
Jeremy, my beloved son, died at home, age 7. What followed is a story I have shared pieces of at different moments. What is important is that it was "a good death". The beauty and grace of crossing the threshold between the worlds came upon us and it changed me forever. We kept Jeremy at home for several days, holding a home vigil, caring for him, and slowly saying good-bye. This time was essential for my grieving process and for the reality of what was occurring to really sink in. I will never forget these days.
Years later I found out there is a movement towards home and family-directed funerals and that in most states it is legal for an immediate family member to act as a funeral director for their loved one. Just as one might prefer a home birth and have the right to chose this, so should we, if we choose, have the right to honor the end of one's life in this sacred, intimate way.
It is my desire to offer my stories, my experience, my knowledge and my presence to others who may be faced with the questions and decisions that death brings. I wish to educate and inform people of their choices...that there are choices. I explore the question:
How does our relationship with death inform our relationship with life?
And how can we transform them both to be more integrated? More whole?
Below are two organizations I have been involved with:
Walking Each Other Home ~ End of Life, Home Funeral and Green Burial Support
Educating and empowering families, individuals and communities in preparing and caring for their own after death.
Services
WEOH provides educational materials, group presentations and family consultations that prepare and empower individuals, families and their community to care for their dead at home and carry out a home or family-directed funeral, with or without the services of a funeral director.
Individual or Family Consultations
WEOH offers in person or telephone consultations to answer specific questions that will help you make decisions at the time of a death. We work with families to prepare for end of life and after death choices.
Conversations with family and loved ones may cover:
Fees
At this time we do not charge a fee for consultations and individual instruction but your donation to support our work is much appreciated.
Educating and empowering families, individuals and communities in preparing and caring for their own after death.
Services
WEOH provides educational materials, group presentations and family consultations that prepare and empower individuals, families and their community to care for their dead at home and carry out a home or family-directed funeral, with or without the services of a funeral director.
Individual or Family Consultations
WEOH offers in person or telephone consultations to answer specific questions that will help you make decisions at the time of a death. We work with families to prepare for end of life and after death choices.
Conversations with family and loved ones may cover:
- Why a home or family-directed funeral?
- Explore and discern funeral choices, including Green Funeral options
- Advance planning: Utilizing My Final Wishes, WI Health Care Power of Attorney, Living Will, Ethical Will, & Declaration of Final Disposition in advance of your death.
- Home death care: Preparing the body to lie-in-honor
- Meeting WI legal requirements and acquiring the necessary paper work
- Personalize a casket
- What is a Vigil, how to hold one, creating Sacred Space.
- Viewing of “A Family Undertaking” documentary
Fees
At this time we do not charge a fee for consultations and individual instruction but your donation to support our work is much appreciated.
The Great Circle Collaborative
The Great Circle Collaborative is a group that has come together to raise awareness about aspects of death and dying and how they inform our lives. The group hosts and sponsors various events, including Community Conversations about Death and Dying (CCDD).
Most of us find it difficult to talk about matters relating to death and dying. We know it's important, but in our culture, this topic is generally considered off limits until it's staring us in the face. As a result, we have few opportunities to discuss something that we'll all experience, leaving us unaware and unprepared when the time comes.
Community Conversations about Death and Dying is a unique opportunity to explore your own beliefs, questions, emotions, and experiences in a safe and open environment. They are usually held on a monthly basis. Please come! Enrich the conversation with your stories and contemplations, or just listen to what others have to share.
The Great Circle Collaborative is a group that has come together to raise awareness about aspects of death and dying and how they inform our lives. The group hosts and sponsors various events, including Community Conversations about Death and Dying (CCDD).
Most of us find it difficult to talk about matters relating to death and dying. We know it's important, but in our culture, this topic is generally considered off limits until it's staring us in the face. As a result, we have few opportunities to discuss something that we'll all experience, leaving us unaware and unprepared when the time comes.
Community Conversations about Death and Dying is a unique opportunity to explore your own beliefs, questions, emotions, and experiences in a safe and open environment. They are usually held on a monthly basis. Please come! Enrich the conversation with your stories and contemplations, or just listen to what others have to share.
In Remembrance
Jeremy Zion DiJulius Rocha
1998 - 2005
